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My Journal of Endless Wonderment

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27th October 2011

5:14pm: Life, the Universe and Everything
  To quote the irreverent Dr. Manhattan, [my] mind goes to dark places and you wonder why I hide the worst from you?

  To be completely honest, sometimes I don't get this life. I don't see the point in inhaling and exhaling 20,000 plus times a day, waking up each day, going to a pointless job,  living in a world where I am surrounded by people I hate. People who, the longer I manage to exist in this world, fill me with loathing and disgust for human beings. It's on the news every day, in the papers most of us are too lazy to read, and in the movies we watch to keep ourselves mildly entertained.

  The world is a terrible place filled with murder, rape, or worse,  torture.  I refuse to bring children into this world because I believe that in itself is a very selfish thing. There does not exist one person who has set a good enough example as a human being to convince me otherwise. In this world, we are basically here to procreate. That's what people do. They live pointless lives, they pair up, and when they get bored with marriage, they bring some poor soul into this world to join in the boredom and suffering. There is no other thing to do with your life, except, well end up old and alone. Or I guess you could off yourself, which many do, and I can completely understand why. Our lives are pointless.

  Maybe this is interpreted as negative thinking, but you know what? It's the truth. And deep down, everyone knows this, or will eventually reach this conclusion.

   I once read that the suicide rates for the elderly top the charts, not teenagers, but the truth is too negative to be told. I guess that's what working hard and living long enough in this world will get you, absolutely nothing.

  I wish someone or something would come along and prove me wrong and convince me otherwise, I really do. Maybe that is what I have been and will always be searching for.

6th October 2011

6:01pm: Grammar in a Grammar-less World
    I feel much of the beauty of grammar has been left by the wayside and all but been abandoned. We live in an indulgent society, based largely upon instant gratification; A world where the text messaging is more common than the phone call. Yet, this has not improved our knowledge of the English language so much as created a new one entirely. The use of acronyms runs rampant, words such as’ lol,’ ‘rotflol,’ and ‘ttyl’ expanding into our dictionaries almost every day. They are a concise way of conveying an entire sentence with single word; yet there are many people who don’t even know the proper definition of the word ‘acronym.’ How can that be?

    I envision grammar as not only a language, but a science, one that is complicated, complex and beautiful. The way that a sentence is formed and punctuated speaks to me on a different level. The author’s choice of a semi-colon over a period or coma contains such a subtle overtone, but I find myself catching little things like that. In fact, I once read a certain famous novel that contained so many semi-colons in one paragraph; I could hardly stomach the content. There is a balance to be kept with punctuation; the overuse of the semi-colons can make you car-sick.

      I have met many people who have scoffed and asked, ‘why do you pay attention to stuff that doesn’t matter?’ And to answer that question after posing it to myself, I do not know. I can’t seem to ignore trifling little things like the punctuation of each and every sentence. It stands out in my mind, much as if you were reading a book and found portions of the text to be glowing. It speaks to me.

    My love of grammar has been a thing I am not proud of, due to most people’s lack of acceptance and understanding. I’ve tried to pretend that erroneous spelling errors don’t catch my eye, that apostrophe improperly used to pluralize a word, or that I don’t know what an Oxford comma is. I’m ashamed to say that I have even incorporated the casual misspelling of a word into my Facebook statuses or text messages, just to ‘fit in.’

    Subconsciously, though, I will always be analyzing your messages, status updates and .tweets. And I’m not likely to forget that time you said you were ‘board,’ misspelled the word embarrassed and didn’t know the difference between there, their, they’re. I will always love and respect you Grammar, even when so few others do…

27th September 2011

6:57pm: Dear LiveJournal Executives
Please stop trying to charge me for every little thing; I've taken a look around the internet, and according to my research, there are approximately a billion free blog-hosting websites.


25th September 2011

5:11pm: Men Without Cars
 Gaga just may have had something when she said, "girls, girls, girls, they like boys in cars."

    After my one failed experience with dating men without transportation, I have vowed never to do it again. To add alarm, there seems to be a growing trend of grown men, ages 18-25, who simply say, "Hey, I don't need to know how to drive; someone else can do that for me."
Maybe it bothers me so much because society has taught me to associate men with sports cars, monster trucks, and big rigs, or maybe it bothers me because they are always looking for a chauffeur.

     There is nothing so annoying as that-one-friend-who-always-needs-a-ride. Whether it be to school, work, or to simply hang out, they are going to, without fail, depend on someone else to get them there. Not only will this particular friend most likely not offer up due compensation, this friend is also likely to be one of the worst back-seat drivers, though this person cannot even drive. And you want to like the people who you call your 'friends,' you really do.

     How can one live life like this, one asks?

     At the age of 16 I was driving, and at the age of 15 I was counting the days until I would be able to drive, so I cannot fathom the answer to that question. I have, and always will, drive a standard transmission. And I will always have my own vehicle, if possible. In the case misfortune befalls me and I find myself car-less, do not be surprised if you find that I have spontananeously combusted somewhere about the continent of North America.

11th September 2011

2:54pm: It's Times Like These I Ask Myself..
WWGD- What would Gandalf Do?

10th September 2011

6:26pm: A Little Thing Called Faith
To those who may be of a supra-religous nature, please be aware I do not intend to offend. 

I recently came to a conclusion on the subject of 'faith.' I am not a religious creature by nature, I have always considered myself to be closer to the scientific end of the spectrum. This is neither something I brag about, nor a thing I am proud of; it is merely a truth

Faith is a thing that I fail to comprehend, for one reason or another, the act of 'having faith' does not make sense to me, it doesn't sink in. Imagine waking up one day, and suddenly realizing that everything around you is written in a foreign language. That is how a little thing as simple as faith makes me feel.

It never fails to amaze me, though. I am in awe of those who possess it, in fact, I envy those who possess this quality.

My fiance called me this afternoon, he relayed to me a story of a certain co-worker's Granddaughter who had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. He spoke of all the friends he has asked to say a prayer for the girl, he had even gone so far as to call his priest and request a prayer. Then, he asked for me to say a prayer.

A thing inside me rebells against the very idea, and I question: 'Why would anyone wish to refuse to pray for a little girl who has a brain tumor?' As I pondered this though, I managed to come to the conclusion that the reason I felt that saying a prayer would be wrong was that something instilled within me was telling me that even if I said a prayer, if I utter a thousand heart-felt prayer, and asked my friends and family to do the same, that it would have no affect on the outcome.

And that alone was over-riding the decision to simply say 'Yes, honey,  I will say a prayer.'

How do you combat a thing that as deeply set as instinct itself?
Current Mood: omnipotent

14th September 2009

4:31pm: Now For Something Completely Different...
I started school this semester; I'm taking Psychology, English Composition, Texas Politics, and more depressingly, a remedial Algebraic class. I enjoy the science of mathematics; Algebra is no exception. That being said, I am not particularly adept at it. I spend countless hours in unrelenting study, making what seems to be little-to-no progress, which proves to be extremely frustrating. I am not used working in order to grasp anything.
Still, I am enjoying every single one of my classes. The whole eye-ulcer thing was quite a hinderence, leaving me all but blind for the entire first week, and left me reeling to keep up. Over all though, I plan to ride it out. I think things will improve from here on out. Leastways, that's what I am telling myself.
Current Mood: tired

3rd April 2009

1:03pm: Poem

I am nothing
If there were beauty in such a thing, I would have you find it
I am the sun
Still, I wish you to fill the emptiness encompassing me
Would we only lust for things possessed; we would be complete
There would be no beauty in hope
Only in that which is
In that land I would dwell
Suffering true contentment
Pitied, by all creation, until all who live mourn my very existance
Yet, their collective sorrow stays my hand, for I now know beauty

I read prior posts, and I realize that I've changed quite a bit since starting this livejournal.  I suppose the only reason that I keep blogs is to chart my progression through life. Anyway, here's a poem I wrote out of whim and poetical inspiration. I'm generally trying to say that you gain nothing without cost and sacrifice, but that in itself is not an entirely bad thing.
Current Mood: contemplative

5th March 2009

11:53am: Vampire Rant

Everyone who happens to breathe has seen, heard, or come in contact with some form of Twilight.

Have I read the novel/s?

When a book becomes terrifyingly popular overnight, and appeals to the greater percent of the female teenage crowd, I automatically reason that there is no depth to the plot, or the writing.
The later is something that I find rather important.

Why not spend your time reading something worthwhile? Something timeless, something classic?
Why content yourself with the simplistic beauty conveyed by dime-a-dozen authors?

Why do I let their collective opinion affect me?

Because not only do the readers, if you can call them that, have bad taste, but they INSIST upon convincing others of the greatness of such novels, and cannot accept that someone may not actually enjoy these stupid books. I believe in sharing what I find interesting, yes, but not demeaning, and insulting those of whom disagree.
Everyone has their own taste in media, I embrace that, just find something worth arguing for.

 Moreover, I am tired of everyone complaining about what Stephen King had to say about the writing of Stephanie Meyer. Have an excerpt.


"The real difference is that Jk Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn," he said. "She's not very good."

King did curb his attack slightly, explaining that while he's no fan of Meyer's prose, he does appreciate her storytelling — at least in relation to her audience.

"People are attracted by the stories, by the pace and in the case of Stephenie Meyer, it's very clear that she's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up kind of a safe joining of love and sex in those books," King said. "A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."


Hell, even I can tell her stuff is mediocre. How do you expect a full fledged author to feel?

Personally, I’d lose respect for a man who said otherwise. His credibility would suffer, and rightly so.
I can see the headline now.

rENOWNED Horror Writer Stephen King Sings The Praises Of Twilight

PEOPLE: “Oh, but he criticizes other bestselling authors, so his opinion must be wrong.”

May I draw your attention to the definition:
BEST SELLING: It means best selling. Not best story ever. Not best writing in the entire world.
The majority of people are rather stupid, what do you think they tend to buy? BEST SELLING CRAP.

By no means am I devoted to the ideas of Stephen King, or anyone else, for that matter; my feelings are my own, well founded and completely unbiased. I feel that there is in fact a place for both.
Granted, there are standards. Some thrive to excel, where others are content not to, within the confines of a genre.
But obviously, King and Meyer are on completely different ends of the metaphorical spectrum, so their respective stories cannot begin to be compared.

Current Mood: Bemused

22nd January 2009

10:01am: Hark!

Oh glorious day, I think it's time for a post. If I could master 18th century english, I'd delight you all, but I can't.

Recently finished a ton of books. And by a ton, I mean 4, give or take. But if you know me, then you understand why that is indeed an accomplishment. Why yes, I'll start (-insert large number here-) books at once! Finish them? Unheard of!

And now my itallics button has become unconventionally stuck.

Anyone catch the Mavericks game last night? It was terrible, the final scoreboard reading 97-130. I sha'n't be upset, but I am, and think I'll take a break from watching. Although they just aquired a couple new players during the draft, and they look promising. Bye Diop.

Wow, it's been quite awhile since I've signed onto live journal, my icons need to be updated, or shot.

Pressing on,  the other day I said to myself, via inter-brain communication, I think I'm in the mood to learn of 18th century Europe! Naturally, I grabbed my text book and read away. Ironically, I had just received Blackadder III on NetFlix. And sufficed to say, I recognized every bleedin' term, whilst mine family was in the dark, so to speak, as to the great hilarity that is Blackadder.

On to books, that last bit can explain why I read The Scarlet Pimpernel. Every great once in awhile, I find female authors that include, not romantic, per say, but egsagerated  emotional aspects in their book that  I can actually tolerate. The book's a classic, perhaps that's why. Thoroughly good read.
War of The Flowers, Tad Williams, Fantasy novel. Not my favorite work of his. I didn't care for the Vilmos character, or the way that the story itself was laid out. I consider it good.
Neuromancer: It you extracted Frank Herbert's Insight and combined it with Philip K Dick's story telling
Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said
. Another Phillip K. Dick novel. Haven't read enough to plug it.
Otherland: Sea of Silver Light, I'm a couple hundred pages in, only eight hundred or so to go until I successfully complete the series. Hoorah.
The Lord of The Rings: The day I complete one of these books, will be the day that I complete one of these books.
The Hobbit: Nearly through, a book everyone should read, once. I've managed to draw my reading of it out over a long period of time, somehow. I suppose the story line doesn't intrigue me.
Current Mood: Creational

25th April 2008

1:12pm: Firefly Survey
Clay was right.

Your results:
You are Derrial Book (Shepherd)

Derrial Book (Shepherd)
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
Inara Serra (Companion)
River (Stowaway)
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
Wash (Ship Pilot)
A Reaver (Cannibal)
Even though you are holy
you have a mysterious past.

Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test

24th April 2008

10:12pm: A Sonnet

This is dedicated to that one friend that I don't quite always understand your thinking, but you write some great poetry.
I don't care if it's not perfect, it's my first sample of sonnet form.

Quest Of The Cynic
 Love is the sole purpose of existence
Our destiny wholly to seek and find
Is that not the general consensus
Such sentiments befit a simple mind
Would you remove man from his pedestal
Or appoint him a throne, to rule on high
"Rather blind men lead the way," laugh the fools
As the men of the Earth march off to die
The wise wish me to, "acquire wisdom."
The unlearned suggest I should "search for love."
The old say,"look up, seek why you are come!"
The young assure me, "nought exists above"
Cynics embrace; inhale and suspire.
Lovers, in their ignorance, expire.

Current Mood: creative

7th March 2008

8:21am: A Bit O' Hilarity!
Current Mood: cold

5th March 2008

Current Mood: blah

22nd January 2008

12:43am: Of Mountains and Mo' Hairs

Mohair – A smooth, polished surface
“Mohair is warmer than wool, with larger, flatter scales that contribute to an overall silky-smooth appearance. The fiber absorbs dye readily and, thanks to that smooth surface, reflects it back brilliantly.”
–The Knitter’s Book of Yarn

Mohairs are positive and confident. You always strive to make a good first impression because you are a proud person, and you care a good deal about what people think of you. You are careful with your words and are always tactful. You enjoy having a broad base of support and respect from those whom you come in contact. You attract this with your warm, sunny, and inquisitive personality.

(Take the quiz and post your results!)

Mhm...well, that certainly gives me something to strive towards. I wonder how many of my family member, friends, and acquaintances would categorize me as "sunny and warm"?  I'd make a poll, but I don't know what good that would do.

SO, in RL, I'm reading a book called, Otherland; City of the Golden Shadow. Book numbered one of four, which complete the entire series. I love this book; it’s one that I could go on about for ages, regardless of my not-so-science-fiction-loving point of view. Along with the greatness of the Dune series, Tad Williams is a fantastic author, on that- even those hating the genre- could agree. It’s a long book, slow, complicated and drawn out story lines. It’s one of those books that I want to begin rereading before I’m even finished. This is an insane thought due to the fact that it took me near a month to complete 500 of 800pages; of the first book! Ah, but it’s great, well thought, and I can’t seem to put it down.

(There ends my little plug for Otherland.)



Current Mood: awake

15th November 2007

9:58am: Of concerts and can openers
Yesterday I was all ready for the Brand New concert. I also was bored out of my mind, and I decided to open a can of blackberries and try my hand at pie makin' to kill some time.
Long story short, while I was pulling the  lid of the can that I had opened with your basic old fashioned can opener, I pulled and ripped a grand gash in my thumb, and two smaller cuts in my other fingers. At first, I thought that it was just berries, and I didn't notice any bleeding. Shortly after, I see that my fingers gaping open, and I wrap it up as best I could. Phone my mom, while holding it shut...fun, because I have two kids with me.
Anyway, ended up getting 10 stitches in my thumb....and it was certainly an experience.

The concert, I was at the front holding the rail best I could with mangled, half painful, half numb thumb...and some crazy <insert explitive adjective> chick was shoving, dancing all the heck over me...but I didn't let go.
She would have fought me for not moving out of my place, but Clay was my savior and pulled her back.
...ah well, the music rocked, and when my fingers better, I'll blog a more detailed version of the story.
Current Mood: morose

24th October 2007

11:47am: And I'm currently reading...

God Emperor of Dune- Frank Herbert 
(Fourth in the series;)

- Harlan Coben 
(Stolen from Jason's book collection while I was in Hooks this weekend)

For those of you who are counting; 12 days until I'm 18,  to study like crazy for my driver's license, and until Tyler and Melee's anniversary! 

In other news......Saturday-Tuesday Adam and I were enjoying the beautiousness that is east Texas. I had so much fun, because I got to spend time with my Angie, Clay, Cole, other random people, and meet Adrianna. It was really nice, and I'm ever so thankful that Adam let me come along!
 While I was gone I had several little revelations. The first being that I love it out there, and definitely want to consider moving back that way in the future.  Secondly, that I get along better with married women, with or without kids, so much better than people my own age. After feeling so out of place for so long, I finally understand who or what I am a little more. So, I'm done trying to shape myself into someone just to fit in with everyone else. I know this fits, and I guess it's just who I am.

And last, I should really learn to change a flat tire.

Current Mood: awake

14th October 2007

11:04am: As of October 4
I have graduated!!!!!!!!!

Rah. I have a diploma.
I'm so glad I stuck to my proverbial guns and finished ;) 
Current Mood: cheerful

28th September 2007

10:58am: Woot woot rah!
Happy news! Yay for fall!
I'm totally finished with my schooling!!!!!!!!!
I can finally relax a little, because I've been working like a crazy person trying to finish. And I'm also happy because I actually finished earlier than I had though I would.
Oh yah, and in November I'm going to a  Brand new concert & Coheed and Cambria <3
Not going to see Craig Ferguson when he comes to Austin, like I had hoped. But that's still pretty cool...

14th September 2007

10:44am: White Ninja of the week.....
This is so me!

Current Mood: awake

26th August 2007

8:18pm: Poem


There stands a girl, wrapped in darkness

Sunshine is her name

Her eyes are like burning embers, and she herself the flame.

There were times when she saw pain yet, her smile shone brighter through days of rain.



So long ago, she stood beside me.


I was taken away,  
ut she was all but left behind.

Forever, I will call her Memory, 

May she never leave my mind.

Now, how the years have flown, and somehow she is flying?

Although she stands alone in time
I am infinitely reaching 

I cry out "Night"!  she smiles "Day"

This alone was lastly spoken, before Forever turned away.

Current Mood: sad

9th August 2007

1:08am: Too Much Coffee Man

Official Website and other comics by Shannon Wheeler

Too Much Coffee Man: Guide for the Perplexed

If you love coffee, humor, and irony; I highly recommend buying this book. Shannon Wheeler is a genius!
Current Mood: amused

11th July 2007

12:50pm: First Entry!

Hey this is my first post, if the title didn't scream that at you :)
What to say?
I am currently reading the epic Si-fi war novel ARMOR. (Not my 'cup of tea') I am half though, but haven't read it in a weeks. I really need to finish it up :\

In other news, I spent the last week with my wonderful Melee/Meliffany & my brother. While I was there I was able to watch what I think to be the entire series of Threshold, and a few episodes of the series Firefly, which I'm dying to see more of! I also have a nice tan from out camping-in-100 degree weather excursion. It was nice.
Right now, it's 1 pm and I've been up since, lets see....yesterday night. I slept a couple hours in between but I'm basically running on caffiene. I tried to write a poem, but it's looking like non-sense; I'll put it away and will do some MAJOR editing. Once it passes my own critiquing, I may post it in a future blog on my new and awesome livejournal. 

Finally, I am in search of a Layout. The one I have now is only temporary. Any links to sites or layouts would be appreciated. ^_^

Current Mood: accomplished
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